I'm so angry right now. It's an irritation that eats you up from the inside like an ulcer's insidious torture. I can't even pinpoint where this anger stems from, but I am fully aware of it's futility. Am I jealous? I think I am but never have I ever been as extremely and suddenly affected as I am right now.
I recall what I have written more than a year ago in my other blog about what love is and is not. And it is not jealous, nor envious (http://joeycong.blogspot.com/2008/02/valentine-equivocal-blasphemy.html). But now i think that sometimes, in some intensely emotional temporary moments after just the right set of stimuli, the erotic greatly overwhelms the agape, and the mind, in this mental overload of emotions simply cannot comprehend the pain and disgust of it all and equates this phenomenon as jealousy or envy, manifested by intense, unrelenting anger.
HaHAHA! Alibis. I don't know what to think. Maybe I lack the divine assistance of God in prayer nowadays. Maybe this is a deep-seated insecurity that I, as well as everyone else have within ourselves. Whatever the cause, the emotion is real. And I can feel it's gnawing, burning, exceedingly excruciating pain in my heart. Deep Breaths. Deep, deep breaths. AAAHHH!
God knows what's in my heart. He will see me through. In the final analysis, I can say that anger is normal, even though I personally don't welcome it. It's what we do with the emotion we have that makes us right or wrong.
In these times of great testing of my faith, I turn to the God in earnest prayer and remember His word:
I recall what I have written more than a year ago in my other blog about what love is and is not. And it is not jealous, nor envious (http://joeycong.blogspot.com/2008/02/valentine-equivocal-blasphemy.html). But now i think that sometimes, in some intensely emotional temporary moments after just the right set of stimuli, the erotic greatly overwhelms the agape, and the mind, in this mental overload of emotions simply cannot comprehend the pain and disgust of it all and equates this phenomenon as jealousy or envy, manifested by intense, unrelenting anger.
HaHAHA! Alibis. I don't know what to think. Maybe I lack the divine assistance of God in prayer nowadays. Maybe this is a deep-seated insecurity that I, as well as everyone else have within ourselves. Whatever the cause, the emotion is real. And I can feel it's gnawing, burning, exceedingly excruciating pain in my heart. Deep Breaths. Deep, deep breaths. AAAHHH!
God knows what's in my heart. He will see me through. In the final analysis, I can say that anger is normal, even though I personally don't welcome it. It's what we do with the emotion we have that makes us right or wrong.
In these times of great testing of my faith, I turn to the God in earnest prayer and remember His word:
" In your anger do not sin;
when you are on your beds,
search your hearts and be silent. "
-Psalms 4:4
I guess being angry, jealous, envious, afraid, even downright apathetic is not sinful. They are normal human experiences that we all go through. They are, however, great catalysts of personal and social conflicts. We should all be conscientious of how we act toward others, and we must be constantly vigilant to uphold what God wants for our lives. All we have to do is remember His love trusting for a better tomorrow.when you are on your beds,
search your hearts and be silent. "
-Psalms 4:4
This is easier said than done. Maybe, for just a little while longer, I will just have to allow this pain to sink in deeper. I need to. This proves I am human, that I am alive, and that what I feel is real. And this honesty that I feel within my heart echoes throughout my body and in yearning, I will pray for hope.
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