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Copied Entry: Just for Kicks

"What Happened to All the Nice Guys?"

I
see this question posted with some regularity in the personals section,
so I thought I’d take a minute to explain things to the ladies out
there that haven’t figured it out.

What happened to all the nice guys?

The answer is simple: you did.

See,
if you think back, really hard, you might vaguely remember a Platonic
guy pal who always seemed to want to spend time with you. He’d tag
along with you when you went shopping, stop by your place for a movie
when you were lonely but didn’t feel like going out, or even sit there
and hold you while you sobbed and told him about how horribly the
(other) guy that you were fucking treated you.

At the time, you
probably joked with your girlfriends about how he was a little puppy
dog, always following you around. They probably teased you because they
thought he had a crush on you. Given that his behavior was, admittedly,
a little pathetic, you vehemently denied having any romantic feelings
for him, and buttressed your position by claiming that you were "just
friends." Besides, he totally wasn’t your type. I mean, maybe he was a
little too short, or too poor, or lacked confidence in himself, or
didn’t know how to dress himself, or basically be or do any of the
things that your tall, good-looking, fit, rich, stylish boyfriend at
the time pulled off with such ease.

Eventually, your Platonic
buddy drifted away, as your relationship with the boyfriend got more
serious and spending time with this other guy was, admittedly, a little
weird, if you weren’t dating him. More time passed, and the boyfriend
eventually cheated on you, or became boring, or you realized that the
things that attracted you to him weren’t the kinds of things that make
for a good, long-term relationship. So, now, you’re single again, and
after having tried the bar scene for several months having only
encountered players and douche bags, you wonder, "What happened to all
the nice guys?"

Well, once again, you did.

You ignored
the nice guy. You used him for emotional intimacy without
reciprocating, in kind, with physical intimacy. You laughed at his
consideration and resented his devotion. You valued the aloof boyfriend
more than the attentive "just-a-" friend. Eventually, he took the hint
and moved on with his life. He probably came to realize, one day, that
women aren’t really attracted to guys who hold doors open; or make
dinners just because; or buy you a Christmas gift that you mentioned,
in passing, that you really wanted five months ago; or listen when
you’re upset; or hold you when you cry. He came to realize that, if he
wanted a woman like you, he’d have to act more like the boyfriend that
you had. He probably cleaned up his look, started making some money,
and generally acted like more of an asshole than he ever wanted to be.

Fact
is, now, he’s probably getting laid, and in a way, your ultimate
rejection of him is to thank for that. And I’m sorry that it took the
complete absence of "nice guys" in your life for you to realize that
you missed them and wanted them. Most women will only have a handful of
nice guys stumble into their lives, if that.

So, if you’re looking for a nice guy, here’s what you do:

1.) Build a time machine.
2.) Go back a few years and pull your head out of your ass.
3.) Take a look at what’s right in front of you and grab ahold of it.

I
suppose the other possibility is that you STILL don’t really want a
nice guy, but you feel the social pressure to at least appear to have
matured beyond your infantile taste in men. In which case, you might be
in luck, because the nice guy you claim to want has, in reality, shed
his nice guy mantle and is out there looking to unleash his cynicism
and resentment onto someone just like you.

If you were five years younger.

So,
please: either stop misrepresenting what you want, or own up to the
fact that you’ve fucked yourself over. You’re getting older, after all.
It’s time to excise the bullshit and deal with reality. You didn’t want
a nice guy then, and he certainly doesn’t fucking want you, now.

Sincerely,

A Recovering Nice Guy

Wit

Oh, yes I can Owen, I can do anything I like. I’m eccentric. *grrrrowl*

-Donald Sinclair, Rat Race (2001)